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  In HIS Presence

               It’s amazing how GOD is able to work even through the brokenest of the broken. A couple of months back, I have broken up from a relationship that I thought was going nowhere. Through those excruciating months, he kept on asking me just one thing. “Why?”. I never really had the chance to answer that question basically because I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to tell him, I was already being selfish and found my self leading the relationship instead of him. I was spoiled, doing only the things I wanted. Shouted at him whenever I wanted to. I felt like my life was going on a downward spiral and I was pulling him along.

              I decided to make an overhaul with my life, and to start with, I broke up with him. It was a decision I didn’t regret and I still don’t at this time. Since then, I decided to focus my attention on growing my relationship with my first LOVE, My GOD. Oh, what a sweet walk it was! It wasn’t a walk in the park but it was a walk worth experiencing. Through my journey, GOD has done a lot of things that even I couldn’t imagine! I have learned to love people I have greatly hated before, He answered even the most stupid prayer, HE taught me things I would have not learned somewhere else.

               Just a week ago, I didn’t know what happened, but I really felt jealous over a picture I saw on a social networking site. I wasn’t able to get over it. Really, for the first time in months, I cried for the relationship. I cried for him. I cried and cried. I prayed and I cried again. Prayed and cried. For how many days, this was what I went through. for some reason, I couldn’t bear the pain. Sometimes, I had to catch my breath. Why just now? I tried talking to him, thinking the pain might go away if I did. It never ent away. Instead, I cried even more. This time, no amount of prayer could comfort me.

              But GOD was so gracious, He never left me on times when I no longer felt like crying out to HIM. HE instead sent me friends who helped me out.People who listened, cried with, laughed with and laughed at me. GOD remained true to HIS words. He told me He will never leave me nor forsake me, and HE never did. He knew exactly how I felt. He felt the pain I was going through. He had been telling me through the week to just let it go. To lift it up to HIM. To let HIM work on it. But maybe, I was afraid of what HE had in mind. I was afraid he would not approve of this guy. I was afraid HIS plan was to actually take him out of my life. At one point, HE asked me, “child, what makes you cling to it (him) so tightly?” I then realized how hard it was for me to trust GOD. How hard it was for me to just allow HIM to work through my life.Many times, He reminded me, ” My thoughts are higher than your thoughts. MY plans for you are bigger than your plans for yourself. I am able to give you someone so much better than HIM. Why don’t you just let him go?”

               Well, I don’t think I have the choice. I realized later on. He is now with someone else. I was to attend a leadership conference for two days. Before the conference started, I prayed. ” LORD, YOU know how broken I am. I don’t want to be here if my heart is not going to be focused on YOU. Please take this pain away. Today, I just want YOU. I want to be in YOUR presence. Please just take this pain away.” the moment I opened my eyes after that prayer, the amazing happened. HE lifted the burden, just like that. No more worries. I found peace in HIS presence.